I have spent a great amount of my life traveling, and when I'm in a new city the first and sometimes only thing that I want to do is find local food and eat it. I want to know what the true locals eat, and eat it where they do. It's an obsession of mine, and one that has led to many delicious experiences.
Unfortunately this is not always possible. Quite a bit of the traveling that I have done was with my parents. My parents do not believe in spending money while on vacation; instead they believe that you are only there to go sightseeing and that food is a waste of money. Outside of my parents, I have more than a few times been graced with the company of morons that either don't care about food or have the palate of an anosmic monkey.
Use this list as a guide of what to eat when you hit any of these cities, as well as what NOT to eat or do. Luckily I've gone back to most of these cities since then and enjoyed myself.
Boston, MA
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: CHOWDAH! Oysters. And anything at one of my favorite restaurants on earth: Durgin Park (dear tourists, quit packing this place).
What I ended up eating: The remaining part of a five pound brick of imitation crab legs (see below).
Cape Cod, MA
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: Overpriced seafood (sorry, it's the cape, gonna happen)
What I ended up eating: We found a seafood store and in the back they had these huge five pound shrink wrapped bricks of imitation crab legs. My parents bought me one of these and said "just eat this when you hungry". Also we had a bulk pack of cup-a-soup if I got bored of the "krab".
Dallas, TX
The culprit: a big fat Texan lie
What I should have eaten: Something somewhere else
What I ended up eating: Mostly crap. While it is true that Dallas has more restaurants per capita than NYC, what they don't tell you is that most of them are chain restaurants with nearly identical menus. This is no surprise considering that many of the huge restaurant chains are headquartered in Dallas. The food situation in Dallas has improved immensely in the years since I've been there, or so I've heard. Anyway, if you've ever wanted to know why I hate chain restaurants so much, spend a week in Dallas.
Disney World, FL
The culprit: my ex girlfriend, and the girl I was dating before her
What I should have eaten: Disney actually provides a large number of very good dining options, as much as I don't want to admit it.
What I ended up eating: On both trips (one with each person) they found my choices for dining to be unacceptable (my favorite restaurant was the Norwegian place in Epcot). The most stupid incident occurred when one of them came with me to the Norwegian restaurant, looked around at the food and said "looks weird" and just sat there eating nothing, after I paid for her to eat there. Meatballs are weird? As a result I ate most meals at the hotel buffet.
Mysterious Border Town, Cambodia
The culprit: my extended family
What I should have eaten: Back before Cambodia/Kampuchea had normalized relations with the rest of the world, you could enter their border town commerce areas from Thailand. This was sort of like peeking into a hermit kingdom like North Korea is today. I totally wanted to try Cambodian food while we were there.
What I ended up eating: A bag of potato chips.
New York, NY
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: The list here goes on forever. A great pastrami sandwich. Any of the spectacular restaurants in town. A hot dog from any of the papaya vendors. A pickle. Smoked fish. Arepas. This list could be an entire post on its own.
What I ended up eating: Meal after meal of instant ramen cooked in our motel. McDonald's.
Montreal, Canada
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: Smoked meat sandwich. Bagel from St. Viateur. Poutine. Anything from the hundreds of awesome french bistros in Montreal.
What I ended up eating: Chef Boyardee my parents packed from home. For three days straight I ate that stuff.
San Francisco, CA
The culprit: a piece of human garbage and the boy she imported from Washington state
What I should have eaten: SF is one of the best food cities in the universe. Take your pick. A must eat is always an authentic Mission burrito.
What I ended up eating: One of the worst meals of my life happened at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. Because nothing screams quality food like a chain restaurant based on movie intellectual property. Then, even though we were in the undisputed burrito capital of the world, the piece of human garbage demanded we drive to SAN JOSE to eat at some chain taqueria.
Tokyo, Japan
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: Sushi. At least one Kaiseki meal. A tonkatsu at Tonki.
What I ended up eating: McDonald's. Meal after meal of plain soba noodles, which are the cheapest menu item on any Japanese menu. The best food I had on that trip was from when we bought package tours and the meals were included. My parents bemoaned this the entire time, at one point asking the tour operator if we could get a credit for not eating and just sit on the bus while everyone else dined.
Yellowstone National Park, WY
The culprit: my parents
What I should have eaten: Any of the game offerings that you can find right outside of the park in mom and pop restaurants
What I ended up eating: Meal after meal at one of the park-run cafeterias, where I dined on shoe leather with a side of creamed mystery vegetable.
