Growing up I had never encountered a full grocery store full of rejected items from other stores. Sure, there was the cheap grocery store, then the cheap-ass grocery store, and then the grocery store you didn't want to be seen in lest the town think your parents lost their jobs.
Here in California I have encountered the full size grocery outlet store. My local version of this is unsurprisingly called Grocery Outlet. Perfectly good food rejected by more unadventurous consumers gets sent here.
It's my favorite place to food shop on the planet. It's like a giant grab bag of food. Every time I go, guaranteed there's something new and awesome waiting for me. I know what's waiting for me at Whole Foods. Not so at Grocery Outlet.
Mayo... mayo is normal right? Not really. First of all, that's light mayonnaise. That's like caffeine free Mountain Dew. Also note that that's a half gallon jar. Lastly, that's Hellmann's mayonnaise. Hellmann's is not sold west of the Rockies, we call it Best Foods here. So this large vat of light mayo has travelled far to be with us now.
It's 3AM, you've struck out at at the local bar. Susie Sue was unimpressed by your stories of hauling cinder blocks in the back of your pickup truck. Now you're back in your apartment watching a MMA fight in your boxers while you drunk text your ex. Of course she's not answering because 1) you're a creep 2) you're a loser 3) she doesn't want to explain to your brother who she's texting at 3 in the morning.
So, what does a REAL MAN eat when the bitches are copping a 'tude? Pizza? Hot Pocket? How about BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. If only Susie Sue could see you now.
Because regular Rice Krispies aren't XTREME enough... (by the way, I don't even want to know what kind of freak rice they're using to make this). I love the looks that Snap, Crackle, and Pop are giving, all "Dude, check out the size of his krispies!!!". It's like a Cialis commercial.
Note the packing trays labeled FOR EXPORT ONLY. What kind of freak SPAM is this?
Hmmm... Garlic Spam... wait, what's that in the lower left corner?
HAHA! This isn't even meant for us! This is export only Spam for Korea. Koreans eat Spam? Guess not, since this stuff got sent back to California.
Not sure why I grouped these two things together. On the left is a package of deep fried Butterball cold cuts. These tasted like regular turkey cold cuts with the artificial grill flavor from KFC Grilled chicken sprayed on. Not so good. The drinks on the right are Spartan energy drinks. Also not very good, very tart and otherwise flavorless. Reading about these online it seems bodybuilders love them. I don't doubt it. They taste so bad you have to assume they are good for you.
And finally, my favorite part. I call this "Misadventures in Branding"
Hannah Montana sandwich bags. I mean, regular sandwich bags are great and all, but a bologna sandwich tastes better after it spends the morning with Miley Cyrus.
Jif makes peanut butter. So why not... nuts?
Gummy snacks shaped like organs? Yes PLEASE!
Hot Tamales popsicles. These are so loaded with cinnamon that I could smell them from the front of the car after we put the groceries in the trunk.
I washed it all down with some Starbucks. Those of you that can read Starbucks Cups can see just how boring I am when it comes to coffee drinks. Note the can of Olympia shamefully hidden behind the monitor.
