The past year in food mishaps!

This blog is mostly about the good stuff. Once in a while we touch on the bad, but only if it came in the middle of a bunch of good things.

So this post is for the crappy snack, the bad idea,  and the oversalted meal. Here are all the things that went wrong in Chomple's world in the past year. Enjoy!

We spotted these at the local German sausage shop. Take cheese puffs, take away the cheese and add... really stale peanut flavor. The snacks weren't stale, they were still crispy. It was really just the flavor they added.

 

Even though I end up going there once or twice a year, Panda Express is just a big ball of fail. Their flagship product Orange Chicken tastes like overdone deep fried chicken got put into a pot with a bunch of Life Savers. Most of the sauces are depressingly blah. And for a place with a bunch of steam tables full of food sitting around, it takes depressingly long to get your food sometimes, especially at our local Panda. Last time we went through the Panda drive-thru it took 45(!) minutes. So now I always draw the emo hair on the panda, because pandas are so sad that they are the logo for such a bad company that they must have gone emo, which explains the lack of reproduction.

 
 

This is from one of our Pizza Quest reviews. We had to wonder what they were thinking when they did the buildout for this place. "Hey, we messed up and we have a leftover space... let's throw in a seating area!" Hmmm. I guess you could sit there if you wanted to look outside while you ate. Additionally, the seat is narrow as hell. Barbie Girlfriend is an extremely fit athlete and she barely fit in there. Maybe it's a table for banishing your children.

 
 

Video games and alcohol mix very well. Supposedly. I decided to celebrate the release of The Sims 3 by having a 40 of Country Club malt liquor. When I played the game a few days later, I found a bunch of new households in my neighborhood with names like "McF*ckersons" and "Desperate Cougars". Also. my home design from that night needed work. One of the houses didn't have a roof and was just a U of drywall.

 
 

What the hell is "hollow milk" flavor???

 

Meet the sushi that the rest of Sacramento eats. I'm sure what's underneath might be good, but the fifteen gallons of sauce are completely unnecessary. Almost every sushi place in Sacramento puts on enough sauce to fill a Big Gulp. Disgusting.

 

Earlier this year I went to the world-famous Golden Gate Bakery in San Francisco for their orgasmic egg tarts. Having to wait for 15 minutes for the next batch to come out, I did what naturally comes to me: I started taking pictures. This is the really helpful lady yelling NO PICTURE at me.

 

For those of you that haven't been to San Francisco, this is the famous guy that trained his pet rat to ride his pet cat that rides his pet dog. City regulations have forced this guy to move to another city. I consider this a food FAIL because that kitty should be eating that rat, helloooooo

 

Anyone know if these actually taste like beef? I don't know... I couldn't bring myself to buy these.

 

I've had some crazy chip flavors in my life. Some of them, like Old Bay and ketchup, are actually good. This one... was not. I bet this flavor had something to do with a food scientist and a bag of northern lights. 

 

Girlfriend Actual is in this picture eating a fake Japanese ice cream cone made from a cookie cone and a marshmallow "ice cream". Not sure how she said it tasted. 

 
       

If you eat this jerky... you might be a redneck. I have to admit, I bought that bag and it was really good. Note that for some reason, the redneck jerky was stocked in front of the non-alcoholic beer.

 

You know what flavor of Pop Tart I've always wanted? Japanese kitten.

 

Ok, Kraft. American cheese is American cheese. There's nothing deluxe or select about it.

 

Uhhhhh... this is a branding FAIL and candy FAIL all in one.

 

I mentioned this one in yesterday's post about Grocery Outlet. What's wrong Boston people, what the hell was bad about this stuff? I have to wonder... it has to be wretched if they shipped it across the entire US to try and get it sold.

 

I'm ending with the biggest food FAIL that we've seen in the past year. This was a mystery flavor issued by Doritos. We bought a few bags and sampled these with friends and coworkers. Here are some of the guesses at what the mystery flavor was:

• spoiled meat
• vinegar
• manure
• cat
• dirt
• sugar cookie
• meatloaf
• rancid mayo
• deviled egg
• MRE
• overcooked barbecue
• Burger King fries
• antifreeze

So what was the flavor supposed to be? Cheeseburger.

 

Hope you enjoyed me writing about this stuff more than I enjoyed experiencing it! ;)