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The best and worst of Roseville's Fast Food

Kind of like when I discovered McDonald's poutine, I was morbidly curious when I heard that Burger King was selling bone-in ribs made in their new broiling machines. 

Really?

I had to see this disaster for myself. 

For $7.50 I got a box of six ribs, onion rings, and a drink. Straight from the grill? I guess my definition of grill differs from that of the King.

 
 

Now, you may have seen the tv and print ads for BK ribs. Through the magic of advertising, those things look like luscious baby backs. Not so fast. These are pork shortribs from the short end of the slab. 

 

They tasted just OK. Burger King used a lot of that artificial grill flavor that they use in their Steakhouse burger patties.

I've included an onion ring here for size comparison. These ribs are TINY. The pigs they used for these are probably from that same farm that KFC uses to make the tiny chickens they use for their grilled chicken, where the drumsticks are the size of the wing drumettes from regular chickens.

Also note how inconsistently they are cooked. I thought their new high tech broiler was supposed to guarantee effortless even cooking. Guess not.

 

While digesting this very dissatisfying meal, someone texted me to remind me that Squeeze Inn had just opened in Roseville. 

Yes, THAT Squeeze Inn. The burger shack in deepest darkest Sacramento that's been on every food TV show in existence. Apparently they set up an outpost in, you guessed it, a Roseville strip mall.

We'll do a full review and Chomplevent soon, but until then here was our takeout order:

One thing about these hard to get to (and more to the point, hard to find parking at) restaurants is that there are other items on their menus than their signature items. But you never get them, because you didn't go all that way to have something other than their famous dish. Nobody knows what the hamburger tastes like at Peter Luger's, or the fish at Tour d'Argent. 

This all changes when they open near you and the lines aren't as bad.

This is the never seen before Squeeze Inn hot dog. It's a huge all beef hot dog either grilled or deep fried (couldn't really tell) served Chicago style. And boy, it was good! I got one whole bite of this...

 

And... what?  A taco? Yes, a crispy fried taco stuffed with what I think is ribeye. No joke. This is like a high class Jimboy's taco. The meat was nice and juicy. And of course it has the trademark cheese skirt. I almost like the taco more than the burger.

 
   

But, of course we got burgers. Mine got smooshed in the bag so it didn't get photographed. This is Actual's Squeeze with cheese, with bacon and avocado. The bacon and avocado are somewhere behind the cheese and top bun. The burger fell over while taking this picture, but it gives you a great view of that majestic Squeeze Inn cheese skirt. OM NOM NOM

 
 

The Squeeze Inn is on the corner of Sunrise and Douglas where the Round Table Pizza used to be. Lines aren't bad (yet) and there's plenty of seating. 

If you own a burger joint in Roseville, I hope you have some sort of contingency plan.

Review: Amerikan Ichi Sushi

This review started with a conversation that a year ago I would have considered improbable to say the least.

First, let me tell you about my (almost) father-in-law, henceforth referred to as Daddy Actual. He rides a Harley. He's from a farm in Nebraska. Chinese food was banned in the Actual household for years. He thinks curry is an odd creation that's not exactly meant for human consumption. 

He likes barbecue. He makes killer barbecue. His indirect smoker is larger than the engine bay of our Prius.

As far as we knew, the only thing that he had ever ordered at a Japanese restaurant was chicken teriyaki. And that's only if someone made him go to a Japanese restaurant.

So it was a complete shock to me when we were discussing heading up there to go out to dinner, and these words came out of his mouth:

"How about we go to my favorite sushi place?"

What???

Daddy Actual shouldn't have a favorite sushi place. 

Just like I don't have a favorite gym. Or a favorite Olive Garden. Or a favorite place where I like to get waterboarded by security contractors.

We figured any sushi place that could make Daddy Actual happy had to be a great place. So we all went.

Now, we weren't sure what to expect. Daddy Actual knows good food, but does he know good sushi? And this place is in Placerville, and the odds of a good sushi place (by Chomple standards) in Placerville are about as high as finding a good soul food restaurant in Dubuque.

Amerikan Ichi is stuffed into a very small space in a strip mall. To the left there's a day spa. Of course, in Chomple World, this is a good thing. All the best grub comes from strip malls.

 
 

Amerikan Ichi is as small on the inside as the outside makes it look. Sushi bar has seating for about 15, and there are a few tables. The place was packed, which was a great sign. An even better sign was that the three chefs behing the bar were happily chatting up the patrons as they made sushi. Later on in the evening, a couple sat down next to us and didn't even bother ordering anything. The chefs knew what to make for them.

They have a steal of a deal. Order as much as you want for $22. Check out the rules of the all you can eat. I'm very glad that they say all this up front for people who have bad manners. When customers act stupid, the rest of us have to pay more for our food. I couldn't back up far enough to get a picture of the entire all you can eat menu. Probably 100+ items to choose from.

 
 

Apologies as I was too busy eating and don't remember what half of this stuff was with any sort of detail. It was that good.

This roll had fish and cream cheese inside, and was topped with more fish, some crunchies, onions and unagi sauce. They used just enough sauce.

 
 

Godzilla roll. Tuna and yellowtail (and more that I'm forgetting) in the middle, then deep fried, then topped with two spicy sauces. I usually can't stand deep fried rolls but this thing was amazing. Very happy that on this as well as the rest of the rolls, the chefs at Amerikan Ichi don't oversauce. Oversaucing sushi is a bad bad trait that runs deep in most sushi restaurants.

 
 

While the four of us were contemplating our next move, one of the chefs made us this platter of mussels baked in a mayonnaise based sauce. These were so good we forgot our plans for what to order next. Thanks a lot, chef dude! ;)

 
 

Some sort of rainbow roll derivative. Had two different kinds of tobikko. Girlfriend Actual was about to die from fish roe happiness. 

 
 

Don't remember what this was, other than it had spicy crab and tasted amazing.

 
 

This is my Fuji Mountain roll. Huge. Packed with fish. Yummy. Similar to the roll we had earlier with the crunchies, except this one subbed out cream cheese for more fish. At this point I was cursing bringing a 50mm prime to a crowded sushi bar. Can you tell?

 
 

This is Actual trying to eat a piece of the Fuji Mountain. It sort of collapsed on itself. In a good way.

 

And now, the real curiosity of the night. Amerikan Ichi's Tropical Roll. Deep fried banana on the inside, with mangoes and strawberry sauce on the outside. I didn't try this one as I can't stomach rice used in a non savory application. Clan Actual said it tasted great. Kudos to Amerikan Ichi for being creative and still managing to deliver a tasty product. With most sushi places, you have to pick one or the other (or sometimes, end up with neither).

 

Because I can see the "WTF, REALLY?!?" look on your face, here's a cross-section shot of the Tropical Roll.

 

If you order off of the regular menu, you can get this large arrangement of sushi. Definitely a welcome change to the usual sushi boat. I want to order one of these with served with some sake bomb "trolls" underneath. 

 

The best thing I ate all night, week, and month. Maybe for this entire culinary quarter. Spicy raw scallop hand roll. The scallops were hyper fresh and would have been amazing on their own. Add a simply sublime spicy sauce and this whole thing is so off the hook it probably bent the hook out of sheer awesomeness. Also available in a cooked version if you so desire. I may go back, order a dozen of these, and call it a night.

Note: That is Actual's hand. My fingernails only look that nice in the ten minutes following the nice Vietnamese lady at the salon telling me that I squirm too much and not to come back.

 
      

Final course! Tobikko with raw quail egg. Or as I unceremoniously call it, "The Eggo".  Rich beyond belief. Any lingering hunger I had in my body was defeated Mortal Kombat style. Do not start out with this course if you're planning on having a long run at Amerikan Ichi's all you can eat.

 

RUN, DON'T WALK. RUN THERE RIGHT NOW.

That's right, folks. That's two RUN, DON'T WALK reviews in as many posts. I guess the food gods are making up for the month of McNuggets I endured earlier.

Now I'm waiting for Daddy Actual to recommend a curry place :)

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Review: Ficelle

The best places we eat in the name of Chomple seem to be the places where we can't believe we found what we did where we did. A full rijsttafel serving Indonesian restaurant next to a pizzeria. A world-class sushi joint in a Rocklin strip mall next to a yogurt place and a place selling wraps. A so-authentic-it-burns Szechuan place behind a yarn store in a part of town where Arby's is considered culinarily adventurous. A traditional style curry joint that you would absolutely miss if you weren't paying attention on the walk from It's a Grind to the sushi buffet. 

So we found ourselves in the car for an hour-long ride to Winters, CA. As far as Northern California is concerned, Winters is pretty much the middle of nowhere. 

We were promised wondrous tapas and great drinks by reader Special K. It's great, she said. It'll blow your mind, she said. Just make the trip, she said.

The three of us arrived to find another group of diners also lost as to how to find Ficelle. We found it tucked into the back half of a long building that also houses a coffee shop. One hilarious thing is that they have a door that's not the entrance, that opens (or would open if it weren't locked) right on top of one of their tables. I witnessed no fewer than three different groups try to open the door, to the shock of the couple who were at that table eating. And I mean, that door was smack in the middle of that table. Are you people so hungry that you can't tell it's not an entrance?

This is their main tapas menu. I hear it changes seasonally but certain very loved items stay pretty much year round so as not to cause some sort of customer riot.

 

To the right is their specials menu which changes more frequently. So, let's just say that unless you're a picky eater with an attitude problem, you aren't leaving this place hungry.

 

The first course they hand you right at the counter. Bread with ajo, their family recipe garlic aioli. I would say this stuff is more garlic with salt added for color :) Amazingly, stupendously great if you love garlic. Special K mentioned "The ajo is for you and your date to both have some, otherwise kisses are out of the question for the night!"... well, she was right! But in a good way. I want to know what kind of garlic they used, as I've eaten raw garlic straight before and it didn't taste as garlicky as this.

 
 

While I sipped on my IPA from their great beer selection, Actual and Designer opted for their sangria. This stuff is worth every penny. Most restaurants that serve sangria use some nasty combination of box wine and canned fruit. Not here. They used good wine and perfectly ripe berries. It still amazes me how many restaurants haven't picked up on the whole "buy good ingredients and keep it simple" theme. This place happily gets it.

 

Actual and Designer wanted the salmon fillet salad. I was completely dumbfounded as to why they wanted to order something so pedestrian sounding when there were so many options that sounded better. A salad with a piece of salmon? Even Olive Garden pulls that dish off well. I grudgingly ordered one anyway, since the two of them complain incessantly about how they never get to order anything they want.

Lo and behold, some salad and a salmon fillet is exactly what we got.  Except, not really. The salmon was infinitely more flavorful than what most restaurants call "salmon". Most of the salmon I've had served to me in the past year (outside of a sushi restaurant) has been something that could have easily been replaced with a lump of orange Play-Doh. The vegetables were fresh. The dressing was ridiculously good. I take back my previous statement. Olive Garden does NOT pull this dish off well. Ficelle does. (And thank goodness for that, as I find it hard to believe that Olive Garden pulls anything off correctly other than ice water.)

 
 

Actual and Designer were not yet done outvoting me on ordering dishes that I had absolutely no interest in. Next up they opted for the brie with golden raisin-apple compote. Really? You haven't seen enough of these "brie topped with something sweet" concoctions at pretty much every single dinner party held since 1980? To me, this dish is indicative of the Rachael Ray "I put something on something else and I cooked omg it's so easy" pathos. It's like prosciutto and melon. It's good, but calling it cooking, and paying someone to do it for you, is a bit zany.

That being said, I had to eat my words on this one too. The brie was served at the absolutely perfect temperature. Hey, chefs in Northern California that serve brie dishes, please come to Ficelle and learn what the proper serving temperature for brie is. It is NOT supposed to have the texture of Velveeta like I normally experience when I'm out dining and someone orders brie. Ficelle seems to be the only place that gets it right. The fruity compote was equally amazing. Once again, Ficelle's chef (or chefs, it was my first time there and I haven't met everyone yet) didn't go overboard on sugar which meant the flavor of the raisins and apples really came out. 

 
 

This was followed up by another Actual and Designer request: the sliders. Now, when even Burger King starts selling mini burgers the trend has died out. Every single restaurant on earth has some sort of mini burger creation they want you to try. And sadly, most of them are just mini burgers, meaning:  the sad part is, most of the places that serve these aren't burger places. You wouldn't buy a burger from them. You didn't go there to have a burger. So why are you ordering burgers because they're cute?

By now you're expecting that I had to eat my words on this one too. And you would be right. Ficelle's sliders are made with juicy beef and the patties are stuffed with cheese. Then on top of the patties they put a house spread that I can only describe as "Big Mac Special Sauce, delicious version". Eating my words has never been this delicious.

One billion bonus points to Ficelle for using white bread buns instead of brioche. Brioche is so 2009.

 
  

Next arrival was their Basque-style garbanzos with sausage. This cassoulet-esque dish smelled divine and tasted even better. The garbanzos were infused with the flavor of the sausage and the sausage actually picked up a hint of garbanzo flavor. This was served piping hot and I burned my tongue multiple times because I couldn't stop eating it and was too impatient to even blow on the spoon. I was willing to risk injury on this one... that's how good it was. There was much spoondueling as we fought over who got the next bite.

 

Pasta time. We ordered their wild mushroom ravioli. Now, I don't know what kind of mushrooms went into these but they were intense. I've spent way too long eating at places that feel that mushrooms are there for texture and not flavor. Not here. Also the cheese on top was so rich that three of these probably would have singlehandedly filled me up. If you have been bemoaning the state of pasta mediocrity in your life, you owe it to yourself to get to Ficelle and have this stuff.

 

My favorite dish of the night: braised short ribs served with rice and ranchera sauce. But first, a small PSA about braised short ribs.

Many of you have probably consumed short ribs recently. They seem to be on the menu everywhere, either has a standalone dish or more likely, as a topping for pasta. There is a reason for this, and it's not a good one. Ever heard of a retort pouch? If you're in the military you've unfortunately had a meal out of one. Retort pouches are basically the same thing as a metal can, except made with a coated plastic pouch instead. In a military MRE, your entree comes in a retort pouch. Lots of ready to eat camping food comes this way too. Don't think anything is different because it's in a pouch. You are eating canned food. The only thing that changed was the can.

A few years ago, a food company that I will not name figured out that braised short ribs tasted almost perfect (to them, anyway) when cooked and then put in a retort pouch. Braised short ribs used to be the domain of only the most dedicated restaurant kitchens. Now, anyone could serve them, straight out of a pouch that didn't even require refrigeration. Airline caterers picked up on this trend first, followed by a lot of lazy chefs.

So if you've had braised short ribs served to you in a restaurant recently, chances are those short ribs were cooked in a factory months ago. And I don't care what they say, they do NOT taste the same. When does canned anything taste the same as the fresh-cooked version?

If you would like to indulge in braised short ribs that are actually cooked in the same month as your meal, head to Ficelle (I would say cooked the same day, but I know crazed chefs that braise for over 24 hours). Their short rib dish is amazing. The flavoring is perfect, the texture of the meat is silky (well, as silky as braised beef can be) and the rice on the bottom soaks up all the flavors. This dish was so good that we sent Designer up to the counter to get more food and stealthily nommed what was left. Sorry! 

 

Eggplant stack. I abhor eggplant. Designer doesn't like eggplant. Actual is sort of neutral.

I didn't try this one. Designer and Actual said it was pretty good, They fought over whose pieces had more of the balsamic reduction which both of them said was foodgasmic. Two people who don't really like eggplant thought this was a good dish, so if you actually like eggplant, you'll find this one phenomenal.

 
  

Grilled lamb served with orzo pasta. I'll let the picture speak for itself on this one. It smelled so good I forgot to take a picture. I was halfway through it before Designer or Actual got a single bite. It was at that point that I finally remembered to take a picture. Very tender and absolutely bursting with flavor. One of those dishes that are so good I break my own "No touchy until snappy" rule.

 

Actual and Designer ended the meal with a slice of Grand Marnier chocolate cake. Like the rest of the dishes, the chefs at Ficelle understand that overdoing things is not very tasty. We've had a great many versions of this exact cake, and most of them are either so heavy on the chocolate that it just tastes like an orange brownie, or so heavy on the Grand Marnier that the cake tastes like a straight up shot of the stuff in cake form. This cake was very well balanced and was a great way to end the meal.

 

We're obviously going to give this place our "RUN, don't walk, RUN THERE RIGHT NOW" rating. It's been over a month since we had anything worthwhile to write about or review here. This was a spectacular way to end that horribly bland dry spell.

Make sure you check their website for their hours. They are limited and sort of strange :)

http://www.ficelle-restaurant.com/

  

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