It all started when this strange fellow named Sir Kensington started tweeting using the #NASFT hashtag that people use at the Summer and Winter Fancy Food shows.
This silly chap was offering free moustaches.
Moustaches? For free? And what is he doing here at the Winter Fancy Food Show? Surely a moustache is not food! Surely he has some splendiferous food product?
We should investigate this forthwith.
Me: Hello, kind sir!
Sir Kensington: Hello! Would you like to try my wonderful gourmet scooping ketchup?
Me: Scooping?
Sir Kensington: Why, yes! Scooping. Dipping is not enough for my wonderful creation!
Me: Ok, scooping some now...
Sir Kensington: Make haste, chap! Ketchup so important has no time to waste!
It was fantastic. Best ketchup I've ever tasted. Seriously.
Me: Why is your ketchup so good?
Sir Kensington: Jolly good, you noticed! We use real ingredients.
Me: Doesn't regular ketchup have real ingredients?
Sir Kensington: Do camels care about your well being?
Me: No?
Sir Kensington: Exactly, my old taster. Exactly.
While Sir Kensington retired to his drawing room situated in an old bunker under the Moscone Center, one of his representatives decided to take mercy on me and explain why the ketchup was so good. Sir Kensington's sacred creation uses actual tomato puree and not tomato concentrate. Agave nectar, honey, and raw brown sugar instead of HFCS. And real, actual spices. You can taste the difference immediately. Sir Kensington's ketchup is the real deal. Or as Sir Kensington puts it, "the true arrogance of a bowler hat's attitude"... whatever that means.
Sir Kensington returned.
Sir Kensington: It appears you have arrived with some lovely ladies. Do they wish to have moustaches?
Girlfriend Actual: No?
Designer Girlfriend: No?
Sir Kensington: YES!
[Note: the guy on the left is just one of Sir Kensington's mortal representatives. That's Sir Kensington on the right there, wearing the top hat. His awesomeness is so epic that my camera couldn't handle it and rendered him in black and white 2D. Also, Designer Girlfriend is not that short. She's sitting on Sir Kensington's cane, which apparently can be altered into a circa 1760's rococo fainting bed, Transformers-style.]
Sir Kensington: You must order your readers to visit my website. Or else you get no scooping ketchup.
Me: Yes, Ketchup Lord.
So please, go here:
www.sirkensingtons.com
