I usually don't blog about non food stuff here, but this is just too good to pass up.
Tonight, Actual and I went to enjoy the Active 20-30 #1 Spring Party. It's a huge party for charity and we had a blast, as usual.
At one point during the event, Actual along with Work and Hotel Girlfriend decided to take a group trip to the restroom area (aka, fleet of portopotties). On the way back they spotted some sort of incident and decided to stay where it happened and try to clean up the mess.
Being left all alone left of the stage, as usual I decided to stand there and start sending out inane tweets. While I was doing this, some weird possibly Asian guy started talking to me.
Asian Guy: Hey you look lonely.
Me: ...
AG: You don't have to be alone you know.
Me: Uh, yeah whatever. I'm here with my girlfriend.
AG: I don't see you here with anyone.
At this point I'm trying to figure out whether he's some sort of gay hustler, or maybe he's trying to sell me something, or both.
Me: She's going to the bathroom. She'll be back here soon. What do you want?
AG: I don't see her here.
Me: That's nice.
AG: What if I told you there was a way you wouldn't have to be alone? Would you be interested?
Me: No.
AG: I have a way for you to get all the chicks you want.
Me: I'm a famous food blogger. Even if I were single, which I definitely am not, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have a problem finding someone to tag.
AG: I don't really believe that. You just can't accept the truth.
So now I'm at once amused that I'm having to deal with some Neil Strauss reject, and also pissed off that all the girls are taking so long on their potty break that I have to keep dealing with this Amway wannabe.
Me: In any case, I'm not interested.
AG: Tell you what. I'll come back here in 10 minutes to see if your girlfriend is back here. If not, I want you to sign up for [I don't remember which scam he said]
At this point I made a 180 and tried to walk away. He sprinted in front of me and kept talking.
AG: I know you're embarrassed but you don't have to be. I can help you.
Me: I seriously don't need your help.
AG: I've heard that all before. There's no shame in using the system.
I made another 180. He blocked off my escape again.
AG: I don't know what your problem is. Go to [somethinghereIdon'tremember]spanishfly.com
Me: I'll remember to not do that, but ok, thanks. Bye.
AG: I'm going to make sure you sign up! Don't you want to have more game than the rest of these tools at this party?
Me: I'm dating the girl of my dreams, so that's not very relevant. In any case, between my degree, my job and my local hilarity-fame as a food critic, I'm not sure whatever you're selling is going to improve things in any measure.
AG: Of course it will! You're here alone...
Me: Right. And obviously you're not listening to me. Is there a "listening to that thing attached to your potential vagina" section of that program you're selling?
AG: No need to be an ass...
Me: Seriously, why are you still talking?
AG: I can help you...
Me: You already have. I can't wait to blog this.
AG: WHATEVER! CHECK OUT MY WEBSITE!!!
I walked away at this point, happy in the knowledge that tonight's blog post had essentially written itself with the help of some tool so incompetent he couldn't sign up for a mainstream MLM "independent business owner" opportunity.
Pretty sure this guy will show up again trying to sell something else. Good luck to you, bro. Some nights I'm out of material, and heroes like you give me something to write about.
